broken

 
 

as if to signal (or signify) a state of being - amicable or amiable - as if avoiding punctuation to avoid breaking anything as if to be polite as if to be shy but this is tangled and tangible in the violence of undoing (becoming original) and silence of doing (lack of attention devoted to process) and process of doing as if growing as if growing pains as if pain not associated (or signifying) breaking but rather growing as if saying render while omitting the word rend as if being left with nothing but the suffix -er as if all that's necessary to assign blame as if as if action is inseparable from blame as in state of being as in being-er as if this is a tangled existence you breathing my air me breathing breathing air (you) pretending there is a sparation between a sigh and a sharp (cut) intake these things are not said but thought as if soft thoughts operate like soft muscles because instincts are not soft because reactions are not soft but we are polite so we say the automatic nature of breathing (stealing air) is a soft action as if - bury your head in my pillow - implied violence can be comforting as if to signal a state of surrender to soft action as if to surrender control (softly) forgetting what it feels to fall (surrender, bury) to sleep (missing object of sentence lounder than clearly stated subject) as if when falling there is no end as if to forget punctuatuion signals a lack of ending as if this is a tangled state as if there is no blame that can be assigned to whispered actions even though a whisper is sharper than a mutter even though our handss are full of suffixes that is to say suffice to say we're all soft and (notnotnot) broken to be polite. 

 
 

opposites

 
 

I can't see what makes this the thing worth doing. I'm just trying to find a voice, trying to accept the gaps in my memory - gaps that signal a whole. I heard that the word center inherently implies lacking a center. decentralized. the word balance inherently implies lacking (everything that) balance. as in everything inherently implies nothing and nothing inherently implies everything.

this is neither sonnet nor a song; the act of writing through the gaps. the act of using the whole as a fulcrum to lift everything that is - as in by the bootstraps, as in tripping on everything (that lacks a tie) tripping tripping tripping trying to trying to knot? not? tie not down, loosen did up. Can you (I) tell (listen) exactly when this became (fell apart) extremely difficult but not right (write). we (I) left (right) it there - I've enjoyed the word, quivering, never knowing when it's appropriate to use (forget) "I" - but i'm actually talking about quivering because I want (right) to be strong. Yoga teacher told balance as a sway (convincing conversation) so fall, fall, fall, into the hole (whole)-ness worth(ness) worth-less actually meaning more, as in there is (knot) this is a shadow, less implying a son less implying a sun. that was a a mistake - a hole in the sky that i'm continually (once) falling through. grammar teacher said say for once says for continually power of s power of flow, as in a river. power of s to unravel time s(un) continually continually continually or the inability of a shadow to fill (feel) a hole (whole) but rather to create gaps into which - we, I quiver in the shade where we, I cannot see (feel) what it means to burn. it's vibration that creates sound. screaming screaming screaming fulcurm from bearing this weight (wait) that is a hole (whole) s. Bending like a shadow growing in the absence (abcess)

as in the word hole implies whole as in lost as in wondering through a mass as in praying for a hole that is the answer (question) for this is(n't) what it means to be found as in not an object to stumble upon as in does the word "found" imply more intention that accidental - stubbed toe did not mean to find - cause of prayer cause of searching cause of - to - suppli(cation) as in on bended knee  we (all) mouths open to (receive) spout the body soul salvation for this sin that is a hole in the blanket of our purity through which the cold bleeds

as in, as in? as out? which means this is next which means what is this wall between - a body, more rigid than an s curve, the shape of which implies two mouths, as in as out, where is this body where is the full circle that era(dictates) - eros? - neigher beginning nor end, no chance for quivering, only a mass put it together - amass - to gather - feels like worth doing feels like worth singing feels like worth writing everything as a sigh. Repetition feels like the only way to - time is a circle - destroy time. Time as a flat circle, as a plate, as an empty meal. as in as out. my shit in the shape of an s curve. open mouths waiting (weighing) an open mouth is nothing but a hole whithin a whole. open mouth as a closed circle. as in as out. everything as a sigh. words created by a (quivering) diaphragm. 

 
 

not right
not right not
right not
right

i'm left

{adjective, followed by a noun}

*indistinct muttering noises off camera right*

something about my mother's
brothers are the one thing that scared me more than

my own reflection;
a language of that foreverever more
(dis)regard(s) my politeness because I just want
suction cup eyelids & a pail full of fear

pail full of fear?
what the fuck does that mean

*indistinct muttering off camera left*

-audio recording of my first word-
-photograph of first sight-

this is neither damnation nor salvation
from the night possibility gives birth to itself

{and the Word was with God}

formlessness is foreverever potential

-form of energy - potential-
give it a name and

bodies found at the bottom of rivers
pockets full of names
pail full of fear?

no - I can't fit the ocean in your eyes
no - I don't want to go swimming

there are leviathans in the sink
&Jonah knocked someone up
skipped town & wrote a book running

belly o- pail full of fear swimming-
belly of the whale

 

it certainly bent much
more than intended more than
intended when asked

"is this the shape
you intended to be" a question

of tolerance. for nothing
for everything is hinged
& squeaks a little

sometimes

 

it's a hard time comprehending
how any of us are going to grow old
when the trees spend more time digging
and the skies are full of metal
and our ears are
ringing ringing ringing

ringing

but we aren't answering
because we've forgotten

forgotten forgotten forgo-

how to spell

our names with any

ambiguity at all

 

until it wasn't
then it will be

 

THATS BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD (shave your head) YOURSELF THINK THAT HOW COULD YOU BE SO CONSIDERATE DO YOU ONLY THINK OF (water the flowers) NO DONT GO VICTIMIZING YOURSELF AND YOURSELF AND DONT EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT TURNING SWITCHING CHANGING THIS ON ME IM NOT THE HERO MARTYR CAUSE HERE - SAY WHATS ON YOUR FREAKING KIDNEYMINDBLADDERTESTICLESCARTISSUE BEFORE I WASH IT OUT (with spit and saliva) BREAK YOUR FUCKING BONES ANND (make porridge from the mix) SHOVE IT UP YOUR (part of a nutritional breakfast) WHAT CAT GOT YOUR (most important meal) YOU ARENT EVEN GOING TO (if you eat quickly)  NO I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT (trick your stomache)

 

until it has been
then it wilt be
edible boquet

 

 
 
"and it was stated, in no uncertain terms, in the type of silence that has no flavor, that such things were inarguably no longer suitable. For which purposes were not made clear but rather gained definition through their inclusiveness, a muddying of the water. To which end they became dirty and hideous, megalomaniac monsters shuffling through clean suburban neighborhoods speaking in lilted, educated accents. Trimming the bushes and watering the dogs. Be certain to write in an apostrophe for the apostates of this rancid, civilized violence. Dogs do not enjoy being trimmed, anymore than the bushes enjoy being watered. Mother made it quite clear on that point, with a vocality that seemed to be asking for a map. The house an echo chamber for thoughts too proud to overtly query their way through murky waters. The house a site of disco warfare1, but we don't have the balls to actually hurt. So the Carpenters2 have been playing on repeat, while bridges are being built: a new charitable organization to provide homes for all of these neighborhood trolls3, watered by the sweat of our toils."

"and it was thus decided, by a jury of archetypal dissidents, to abstain from further scrutiny of such abject abasement. Improvisation had dehydrated even the keenest eye4, and they were all now dry for having waded through. and it was unanimously decided to watch the evidence again, for the sake of empathy. and it was gregariously - gregariously? - admitted that it was not a valedictorian effort to validate their time spent wading - waiting? - these nodding heads. Discussed - disgust? - with themselves (and their) virtues in favor and against pursuit. Pursuit of what5?"

1. See Disco Terrorism
2. See Superstar
3. Consider previous refernce of "shuffling monster"
4. See "How to Dance in Deserts" by J.K. Symptom, and "Effects of Dehydration on the Brain; Hangovers, Breakups, and Hot Yoga" by Multiple Authors
5. These are trivial questions and shall no longer be warranted divergence of resources for the purpose of scrutiny.

 
 

 

sink your teeth in
call it a kiss
whisper into this tender tracheotomy
give me a treat
praise me for my originality

 

salt on my tongue

& an open blister

picked & weeping

deer's head on the wall

screaming

"romanticization strangled romance"

antlers scratching the back

of a sleeping giant

sucking on a false thumb

 

Violence of Birth

rend
/rend/

 

verb

  1. tear (something) into two or more pieces.
    "snapping teeth that would rend human flesh to shreds"
    synonyms:tear/rip apart, tear/rip in two, split, rupture, sever

    • archaic
      wrench (something) violently.
      "he rent the branch out of the tree"

    • literary
      cause great emotional pain to (a person or their heart).

rend·er
/'rendər/

 

verb

  1.  

    provide or give (a service, help, etc.).
    "money serves as a reward for services rendered"
    synonyms:give, provide, supply, furnish, contribute

  2.  

    cause to be or become; make.
    "the rains rendered his escape impossible"
    synonyms:make, cause to be/become, 
    "her fury rendered her speechless"

noun

  1.  

    a first coat of plaster applied to a brick or stone surface.

 

-er

 

1.

a suffix used in forming nouns designating persons from the object of their occupation or labor ( hatter; tiler; tinner; moonshiner), or from their place of origin or abode ( Icelander; southerner; villager), or designating either persons or things from some special characteristic or circumstance ( six-footer; three-master; teetotaler; fiver; tenner).

2.

a suffix serving as the regular English formative of agent nouns, being attached to verbs of any origin ( bearer; creeper; employer; harvester;teacher; theorizer).

 

moving towards
a sumptuous viscerality
painted on this
theatre of apparitions

an infinite reflection
stretching lazily
through subject & object
an atrophied osmosis

refracting into distal sublimination
a dying constellation of forms
the nature of an image
bloated and starving

a vivacious cadaver
cutting its teeth
on a velvet silence
rubbed the wrong way

 

invitations hastily scribbled
script on lost eyelashes
wishes placed haphazardly
into a windless night

a socialist dinner party
spread my ribs & sit
my spine a buffet of
delicate thoughts & tender motions
hide me in your prayers
pretend I'm not already kicking
in your stomache

history is nothing more than an atrophied
present
give it to your lover
ribs carefully packaged
wrapping paper & red ribbons
souvenirs of a broken narrative

attempt to believe in the innocence of desire
attempt to believe in the innocence of invitation
attempt to believe in the intimacy of consumption

tenderness of a lion
suffocating a wildebeast
kiss the back of my throat
accidental gag reflex
i promise i regurgitated this for you

 
 

definition of a line
wearing itself thin
by recycling its rhythms

tear it apart by the seams
bloodless & dripping
a seed where a spine should
be

staggering through a night that
is as thin as the air we're draping
over our quivering shoulders
thin as the words we tied
around our cobweb necks
quivering & sensual

defunct noises of a discordant

redundancy

watching the surface stretch
into fragile potentia
elongating the reflection & 
warping the dream

ultraredundancy of a mirror
challenge of seeing likeness
in stranger eyes
psychopathology of a glass
unable to provide
the correct response

kiss yourself and call it original

symmetrical asymmetry is still
call & response


defunct childhood games
skeleton in the chest
winner winner

 

*crunch* 

towards a momentary bliss
buy it with our hair
clogging the drain
past lives stimulating a bath
that no one wants to take
follow the blood trail & 

you'll find a monster at the bottom
cette lac du siecle
a lack of cycles
regurgitation of an archetypal
myth
fuck the shit out of Grindel's mother
fall in love with her
but don't tell that to the historians

syncopation of the drips
accidental maestro of the frozen
visage in your hands

distal flamboyances of a paradigm
flouncing from degenerate
symphony of discordant martyrs
hang them by their toes
syncopation of the drip
clogging the drains of this
slaughter house sugar factory

your medicine tastes like a
diluted sense of honor mixed with
percolated dreams of matrimony
waiting at the end of the aisle
Raisin Bran halo & Candy ring

 

3.29.17

 
 

golden thread umbilical cord
labrinthine memories of a

my love, a flower
stamen on porcelain sheets

Ferdinand the Minotaur

china shops & 
a dream of a time-line
hangman's noose

 
 

3.26.17

this is not a love poem


but there's no peace to be
found in this puzzle
quarrels that exist in friction
sparks that make the image
curl around this cross


bow to the weapons of our
self destruction
bow to the weapons of our
self distinction

bolting from the gate
baited breath lodged in our
stomache the ashes of this phoenix
miscarriage the embers of our
dignitaries buried in foreign
soiled underwear at the thought of
climactic negotiations between two
puzzled pieces tied together
crossbow quarrel
weapon of self distinction


||


the nature of a skipping stone


vacillating between
kissing itself & gasping for breath


feedback loop of
        magnetic rhythm & inconsistent compulsion


trackless dance of
ruptured tissue & subtle seduction


//


the utilitarian purpose of
       mortuus pisces


& the eroticism of porpoises

the inherent paradox within
      gaudium ignavia excusatus


& the dualism of a Hollow Mask
 

 

3.22.17

 
 

disymphonic truths
a child masturbating in the womb

pedagogy of play

 


blind men touch everything
to touch themselves
complicated condition of a concerned


orchestrater

 


gyrating for these empty seats
sculpting an audience that can only


learn to not care

 


Punchinello stroking his wood
maestro of a cosmological joke